Greg's Beard

Greg's beard: a charming facial feature that Kinda Funny's most charming face decided to adopt full-time, after agreeing to grow one temporarily following 2017's Extra Life livestream? No - far from that. For you see, Greg's beard is not a beard at all, but an immortal parasite that attaches itself to the bottoms of white men's faces when it detects that they're both really into video games, and an Internet personality of some sort. While it's unclear why it does this, top scientists speculate that it's part of an elaborate scheme to make all video game Internet personalities look alike, possibly to further advances in deepfake technology for its Elder God overlords.

For years, Greg had been able to avoid the parasite's gaze by coating his face with a combination of chicken wing oils and the tears of Factor 5 fans, the latter of which he managed to obtain in vast quantities after awarding Lair a 4.9. However, towards the end of 2017, Portillo accidentally knocked over the Sumerian receptacle that Greg was keeping said tears stored in - causing them to splash and evaporate in a puff of smoke, and the parasite to finally take notice of Greg's visage. (Greg thereafter fooled everyone into thinking he decided to growing a beard after hitting a stretch goal during Kinda Funny's 2017 Extra Life livestream, in order to cover up the parasite's existence).

While the parasite's presence upset Greg tremendously at first, he ultimately decided to keep it on, as he soon realized that it would catch any additional chicken wing particles that didn't land in his mouth while eating - allowing him to scoop them up afterwards and enjoy 3.6% more chicken wing. It's still kind of a creepy situation - but hey, more chicken wing!