Greg's Relationship with Lair

When Factor 5’s dragon-riding action game landed on the PlayStation 3 in August of 2007, Greg Miller was overcome with emotion. He had played many games before, but  Lair  was unlike any other: its art direction was inspired, its story was gut-wrenching, and its gameplay – which heavily involved manipulating the PlayStation 3’s Sixaxis motion controls – was revolutionary.

Greg was more than ready to award  Lair  the 10 it deserved, and tell all the PlayStation faithful to run out and buy it – but just as he was about to publish his review on IGN, Jeremy Dunham pulled him aside, and explained a parasite resembling a beard was planning on attaching itself to Greg’s face if he became any more popular, and he could only stave it off by coating his face with a mix of chicken wing oils and angry gamer tears. “You can go ahead and award  Lair  the 10 it deserves,” Dunham told him, “or you could give it a much lower score, harvest all of the tears that doing so will produce, and use them to stave off having a beard forever. It’s up to you.” Greg didn’t like the idea of lying about his love of  Lair  – but, as has been documented plenty of times during his tenure with Kinda Funny, he was (and still is) even less of a fan of parasites, and decided that it would be for the best if he gave it a 4.9.

Greg has repeatedly claimed in the years since that he still “hates” Lair, and believes that it got the score it deserved (even after the beard parasite succeeded in finding and attaching itself to his face in early 2018, eliminating any need for him to keep lying). Behind the scenes, however, Miller continues to play Factor 5’s masterpiece voraciously, and emails Shuhei every day asking if they’ll patch in a Platinum trophy for it (or possibly port it to the PSP Go).